by Thomas Harris
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Product Description
Transactional Analysis delineates three observable ego-states (Parent, Adult, and Child) as the basis for the content and quality of interpersonal communication. "Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that determines how we feel about everything we do. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is "I'm Not OK -- You're OK." This negative "life position," shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational Adult capabilities, leaving us vulnerable to inappropriate emotional reactions of our Child and uncritically learned behavior programmed into our Parent. By exploring the structure of our personalities and understanding old decisions, Harris believes we can find the freedom to change our lives.
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Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 Great inspiration, regrettably titled., 2008-12-29
I believe I found this book abandoned in a box on my street, or was given it, or possibly even paid a dollar for it at a used book store clearance sale.
However I got it, I wasn't expecting much: I had heard the title & assumed it was some coddling, outdated '70s feel-good hippie crap, to be perfectly honest.
Instead it is about the most useful "self help" book I've ever read by far, though I haven't read many of that genre... let's just say it is the most useful book I've read in quite a while, one that I actually understood & was inspired by &, even more amazing, find myself applying.
The gist is, we all have competing forces in us, except that instead of the Freudian Id, Ego & Superego (which I never felt too excited about), we have P-A-C, Parent, Adult, & Child.
Now I'm not sure, but I think this might be the origin of the irritating & irrelevant (to me, at least) concept of "getting in touch with your inner child," but the way this is presented in the book is anything but facile or condescending, & relevant to just about every human being I know.
We start off as a child, obviously, and this Child voice seeks instant gratification, & pleasure, it avoids pain, & it thinks it's the Center of the Universe.
As the child learns it can't have its way, as it is blocked in various ways, limited, as desires are denied, it creates the Parent, the Voice that Knows, knows when to punish, to withhold, to control, to prescribe, to explain, etc.
The idea is that most of us are existing as little more than those two forces fighting it out inside of us, moment to moment. The Parent that wants to be in charge & control & know it all, & the Child that wants to relax & indulge & have it his way, right away.
[Uh-oh, I'm going into this too deeply, losing reader's interest...]
In short, the Adult is the part in us that can consciously examine itself, ourselves, both the "mindless" hungers & fears of the Child, as well as the authoritarian, simplistic, inflexible & often archaic voice of the Parent. It can pick & choose &, in the moment, do what's best, what's really appropriate.
When reading this I noticed all sorts of things that harmonize with Buddhism, & realized at one point, after finishing the book & giving it a lot of thought, that the Parent-Adult-Child concept is more or less perfectly analogous to the Clinging-Mindfulness-Aversion concepts, respectively.
At first it seemed a fusion, a synthesis of Buddhism & Western psychology, but now I just think that it contains ideas from both, & goes in its own unique direction with them... and goes far.
Hopefully I've not rambled too much. I think this book applies to every human being, describes all of our struggles, & gives some pretty decent answers to how we might better approach them. & that really says it all.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 Old Friend, 2008-06-24
This is a good book to have on your shelf. Had it years ago and wanted to have it at hand again.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
I'm OK, you're OK, 2008-05-02
I read this books years ago and wanted to pass it on to a good friend who might gain by reading it.
1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
excellent, 2007-09-08
I've already read this book in my own language.
It is perfect for anybody with any ages
That's why I chose it as a gift for my dear cousin in English
0 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
I'm OK--You're OK is OK, 2007-08-31
Learning about the critical parent and the nurturing parent were helpful concepts. The rest of the book was just OK.
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