by Ross W. Greene
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Product Description
A groundbreaking approach to understanding and parenting children who frequently exhibit severe fits of temper and other intractable behaviours, from a distinguished clinician and pioneer in this field, now updated to include the most recent research. Almost everyone knows an explosive child, one whose frequent, severe fits of temper leave his or her parents standing helpless in their fear, frustration, and guilt. Most of these parents have tried everything—reasoning, behaviour modification, therapy, medication—but to no avail. They wonder if their child is deviant or just plain bad. Dr. Ross Greene has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren't bad, and neither are their parents. Rather, explosive children suffer from a physiological deficiency in frustration tolerance and flexibility. Throughout this compassionate book, Dr. Greene demonstrates why traditional treatments don't work for these kids and offers a new conceptual framework for understanding their behaviour, along with new language to describe it. He explains the latest neuroscience findings about the importance of flexibility, and, most important, he shows parents specific, practical ways they can recognize the signs of an impending explosion, defuse tension, and reduce frustration levels for the entire family. - For parents, psychologists, educators and ADHD groups.
- In addition to the scientific foundation of the book, Greene addresses parents in practical ways that will help show results in difficult children and their effect on families.
Amazon.com Review
Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they've seen an irascible 2-year-old grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Unfortunately, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don't "get" this part of socialization. Years after toddler tantrums should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages--along with crushing guilt about what they "did wrong." Medical experts haven't helped much: the flurry of acronyms and labels (Tourette's, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to describe the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with nuance, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only those parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is always oriented toward understanding the origins of "meltdowns" and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book's focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. --Richard Farr
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Average Customer Review:
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 A Practical Guide for Parents with Children Rage Issues, 2008-12-13
As the mother of a son with severe behaviors, this a practical guide to help parents how to deal with their children's out of control anger and rigidness. It teaches different techniques to deal with these behaviors and come to a better resolution without the inevitable meltdowns.
It is an easy read for parents and teachers, as well as anyone that is involved with having to deal with any of these children. It is informative without getting tangled up in difficult technical jargon.
HIGHLY RECOMMEND!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 Solutions, not just problems..., 2008-11-20
We've known for quite some time that our son(age 6) isn't "typical". After almost a year of testing and dealing with doctors we have been able to nail down a diagnosis. Research has told us time and again that traditional punishment and reward systems aren't effective with children like him (I could've told you that years ago), but so far none of the books we've read have offered solutions. It's all, "You can't do this, you can't do that". All right already, I want to know what I CAN do to help!
I was skeptical at first because generally one size fits all solutions are anything but. I really appreciate that this book takes into account the varying range of difficulty from individual children instead of lumping them all into one category. It allows for individual tweaking of the methods introduced to accommodate all sorts of kids.
I appreciate that this book describes my child and his thought processes better than they have ever been described to me before. After years of trying "traditional" parenting with my son I have undergone a complete mind shift and the results have been very good. Even if he has a difficult day and is in the midst of a breakdown, I am able to remain calm because I know he isn't just being willfully defiant or trying to upset me. I can see the effort he puts into making it through each day and I am far more appreciative of his wonderful personality traits. I have a lot more sympathy for his struggles and for the way he experiences the world.
This book also gave me the kick in the rear I needed. Yes, parenting my kids alone while my husband is deployed is hard. I am busy. But if I don't wish to add a few extra minutes to my schedule to make sure things run smoothly for my son then I'm basically egging him on to a meltdown. I'm the adult here and it's my job to help guide and teach my son, not his job to keep me calm. My insistence that he do as I say every single time is certainly not teaching him flexibility, and we both experience a closer relationship by figuring out solutions together. I have remembered that the small stuff really isn't that big of a deal, and I have come to terms with my position as the parent of a special needs child.
Is this a magical cure all? Of course not. But it is a very helpful starting point and can offer some needed insight into the inner workings of your child. We have seen a drastic reduction in the number of serious conflicts we experience and our relationship is so much better. A few months ago this scenario seemed like a distant and vague dream.
For those who say that "giving in" is no solution, I would say that for typical children you're probably right. I parent my 4 year old in a traditional manner and it works quite well for him. But most parents of spectrum and sensory sensitive children understand that their thresholds and processing are quite different and can benefit from some accommodations. This book clearly lays out suggestions of what those accommodations should be and how to go about them.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
A book for all parents..., 2008-11-07
Although designed specifically for parents and caretakers of chronically frustrated/explosive children, this book contains guidance that works for all children. The basic theory put forth by the author is that children do well when they can, children inherently do want to do well, and that children explode when they can't effectively deal with a given situation. It's explained in simple, everyday language without talking down to the reader. Labels are avoided for the most part, because a label isn't going to fix a problem. It only informs the school staff that there is a problem.
The book discusses the 2 most well known parenting styles, laissez-faire and authoritarian and explains how to combine the two to get an effective parenting tool that not only helps you parent your child but gives the child the tools they need to succeed in life.
I found it validating (I'm not the only crazy parent who TALKS her kids through problems?) and made my authoritarian-leaning husband read it,too. It's not an easy way to deal with kids, but it is definitely easier than dealing with an explosion! And infinitely better than trying to fix a problem years later.
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
For Parents of Angry kids, 2008-08-31
This is an awesome book. I would recomend that anyone that has a child or adult that has an anger problem read this book! I even got a copy for our local library!
2 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
 Confusing and Unhelpful, 2008-08-24
I was very disappointed in this book. There was never any clear discussion of what symptoms or characteristics one might use to classify their child as "explosive" other than one who throws a lot of violent fits. But there is a big difference between a "difficult" kid and one who is emotionally incapable of controlling him- or herself.
Also, the book devolves quickly into doc-speak, bandying terms like "separation of affect," "working memory" and "shifting cognitive set" which had me seeing stars. It's almost like you need to be a psychologist to even begin to understand what the author is talking about.
From the ratings, it appears that many others have found this book to be helpful. But it left me frustrated and confused.
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