by Aaron Lazare
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Product Description
One of the most profound interactions that can occur between people, apologies have the power to heal humiliations, free the mind from deep-seated guilt, remove the desire for vengeance, and ultimately restore broken relationships. With On Apology, Aaron Lazare offers an eye-opening analysis of this vital interaction, illuminating an often hidden corner of the human heart. He discusses the importance of shame, guilt, and humiliation, the initial reluctance to apologize, the simplicity of the act of apologizing, the spontaneous generosity and forgiveness on the part of the offended, the transfer of power and respect between two parties, and much more. Readers will not only find a wealth of insight that they can apply to their own lives, but also a deeper understanding of national and international conflicts and how we might resolve them. The act of apologizing is quite simply immensley fulfulling. On Apology opens a window onto this common occurrence to reveal the feelings and actions at the heart of this profound interaction.
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Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 Apology in the doctor-patient relationship, etc, 2008-11-21
I picked "On Apology" up at the Oxford University Press table at a conference, The American Society for Bioethics and Humanities, and was riveted by it. Lazare discusses if (and how) a doctor should make an apology to a patient (there's much to consider, such as potential litigation). But, I found basically helpful the defined ingredients in an apology, how it's a negotation, and examples of many types of apologies, from his own (parent to child) to national, e.g. Clinton to the nation (both on Monica Lewinsky and to the survivors of the Tuskegee syphillis experiment). I hope teachers, of all types and at all levels, will learn about apology and teach their students. This would be an enormous gift.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 On Apology as an Academic Resource, 2008-05-11
Aaron Lazare's text, "On Apology", is a critical resource for anyone studying the rhetorical strategies, socio-cultural dynamics, and/or psychological nuances of apology as contemporary apologia.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
No Apology Needed, 2008-01-18
Material in this book provides the reader with an understanding of how one's resentments and judgements can stop them in their tracks. The cure is to let go and begin the process of forgiveness with the first step of giving of oneself to another in the form of an apology.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
A Relational Imperative, 2007-12-20
If you believe that living is a relational practice, reading Chancellor Lazare's book "On Apology" is a must! In this easy to read book - filled with dissected example after example - the author allows us to appreciate how the `apology' works as a relational process - it is a negotiation that is completed when the needs of the parties are satisfied.
In general, the person or entity apologizing is driven to this relationship healing act in response to an internal need to relieve strong feelings, or by the need to relieve strong external pressures. And, the recipient of the apology will have one or more of the following needs:
* Restoration of self-respect and dignity
* Assurance that both parties have shared values
* Assurance that the offenses were not their fault
* Assurance of safety in their relationships
* Seeing the offender suffer
* Reparation for the harm caused by the offense
* Having meaningful dialogues with the offenders
The author suggests that the successful apology has four parts: 1) acknowledgement of the specific offense and the feelings of the other party; 2) communicating remorse and the related attitudes of forbearance; 3) explanation, and; 4) reparation.
He also suggests that apologies fail due one or more of the following: 1) offering a vague and incomplete acknowledgement; 2) using the passive voice; 3) making the offense conditional; 4) questioning whether the victim was damaged; 5) minimizing the offense; 6) using the empathic "I'm sorry"; 7) apologizing to the wrong party, and; 8) apologizing for the wrong offense.
And, while the jury is out on the timing of the process - after things cool, or in the heat of the moment; it is never too late to apologize, as the apology and forgiveness are inextricably bound together. Also, as the author says you cannot apology in advance of the offense, I now apologize for the length of this review. Dennis DeWilde, author of "The Performance Connection"
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
the Medical Malpractice apology, 2007-02-11
I read this book twice from my local library and finally had to buy my own copy, after sending it as a gift to grandchildren, clergy and friends. Now, suddenly, Dr Lazare's book is showing up on medical websites as a new concept for physicians dealing with mistakes before they become malpractice lawsuits. In fact even the lawyers who have counseled the "Do Not apologize, it will only be a legal admission of guilt" position for years are retreating and more and more state legislatures are passing laws that a physician's apology cannot be used in subsequent legal actions.
To me this is proof that a great book like "On Apology" can have a wider influence than we could ever imagine.
When we talk of a 'seminal' book, we mean that it carries within its pages the seeds for new thinking. This is a SEMINAL book.
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