by Bella DePaulo
|
| List Price: | $24.95 |
| Amazon Price: | $24.95 & eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. |
| Average Rating: |  |
| Lowest New Price: | $3.42 |
| Availablitiy: | Usually ships in 24 hours |
|
 |
|
Product Description
People who are single are changing the face of America. Did you know that:
* More than 40 percent of the nation’s adults---over 87 million people---are divorced, widowed, or have always been single.
* There are more households comprised of single people living alone than of married parents and their children.
* Americans now spend more of their adult years single than married.
Many of today’s single people have engaging jobs, homes that they own, and a network of friends. This is not the 1950s---singles can have sex without marrying, and they can raise smart, successful, and happy children. It should be a great time to be single. Yet too often single people are still asked to defend their single status by an onslaught of judgmental peers and fretful relatives.
Prominent people in politics, the popular press, and the intelligentsia have all taken turns peddling myths about marriage and singlehood. Marry, they promise, and you will live a long, happy, and healthy life, and you will never be lonely again.
Drawing from decades of scientific research and stacks of stories from the front lines of singlehood, Bella DePaulo debunks the myths of singledom---and shows that just about everything you’ve heard about the benefits of getting married and the perils of staying single are grossly exaggerated or just plain wrong. Although singles are singled out for unfair treatment by the workplace, the marketplace, and the federal tax structure, they are not simply victims of this singlism. Single people really are living happily ever after.
Filled with bracing bursts of truth and dazzling dashes of humor, Singled Out is a spirited and provocative read for the single, the married, and everyone in between.
You will never think about singlehood or marriage the same way again.
Singled Out debunks the Ten Myths of Singlehood, including:
Myth #1: The Wonder of Couples: Marrieds know best.
Myth #3: The Dark Aura of Singlehood: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #5: Attention, Single Women: Your work won’t love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don’t get any and you’re promiscuous.
Myth #6: Attention, Single Men: You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or you are sexy, fastidious, frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: Attention, Single Parents: Your kids are doomed.
Myth #9: Poor Soul: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: Family Values: Let’s give all of the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
“With elegant analysis, wonderfully detailed examples, and clear and witty prose, DePaulo lays out the many, often subtle denigrations and discriminations faced by single adults in the U.S. She addresses, too, the resilience of single women and men in the face of such singlism. A must-read for all single adults, their friends and families, as well as social scientists and policy advocates.”
---E. Kay Trimberger, author of The New Single Woman
Customers who bought this item also bought
Average Customer Review:
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
 Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution, 2008-05-10
XXXXX
"I do wish married people would understand that a lot of singles actually WANT to be single. Why does that bother you?...It is like the story my (happily married) friend...likes to tell about meeting the late Ann Landers, who said, `You tell that Richard Roeper to figure out what's keeping him from getting married and to fix it!'""
The above is found in this meticulously well-researched book by social psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo (who is unmarried herself). (Specifically, the above quotation comes from an essay written by movie critic (of TV's "At the Movies with Ebert & Roeper") and columnist Richard Roeper's reaction to two married friends who wanted Roeper to get married.)
I think it's important for people to know what social psychology is: it is that branch of psychology that concentrates on any and all aspects of human behaviour that involve persons and their relationships to other persons, groups, social institutions, and to society as a whole. Social psychology exchanges freely ideas, models, and methods with other social sciences, particularly sociology.
This is why I chose this book. It's based on an objective social science (or, at least, it tries to be) and not on subjective opinions. This book is not a "diatribe" or a rant.
The best chapter in this book, in my opinion, has the title, "Science and the Single Person." Here, DePaulo looks at data and their numbers with regard to different kinds of people (single, married, divorced, etc.). She then interprets the data. The final conclusions are eye-opening and completely unexpected.
Then we proceed to examine the myths of being single that form the core of this book. Here are the myths that each form an independent chapter for analysis:
Myth #1: Marrieds (that is, married couples) know best.
Myth #2: You are just interested in one thing--getting coupled.
Myth #3: You are miserable and lonely and your life is tragic.
Myth #4: Like a child, you are self-centered and immature and your time isn't worth anything since you have nothing to do but play.
Myth #5: (For single women). Your work won't love you back and your eggs will dry up. Also, you don't get any, and your promiscuous.
Myth #6: (For single men). You are horny, slovenly, and irresponsible, and you are the scary criminals. Or, you are sexy, fastidious. frivolous, and gay.
Myth #7: (For single parents). Your kids are doomed.
Myth #8: You don't have anyone and you don't have a life.
Myth #9: You will grow old alone and you will die in a room by yourself where no one will find you for weeks.
Myth #10: (Regarding the term "family values"). Let's give all the perks, benefits, gifts, and cash to couples and call it family values.
In all chapters, Depaulo delves into history, tells us true stories, and logically analyzes arguments.
Finally, you would expect a book like this to be overly harsh on married people or couples. Actually, it's not. The book tries to be fair and balanced.
In conclusion, this book is an intriguing cultural study that gives a complicated subject the attention and respect it deserves. I leave you with other quotations regarding marriage and the single life (the title of this review is actually a quotation uttered by Mae West):
(i) Marriage is like a besieged fortress. Everyone outside wants to get in, and everyone inside wants to get out. (Quitard)
(ii) My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (comedian Rodney Dangerfield)
(iii) People think I'm gay because I'm single, slim, and neat. (comedian Jerry Seinfeld in the sitcom "Seinfeld")
(First published late 2007; 15 chapters; main narrative 260 pages; notes; bibliography; acknowledgements; index)
<>
XXXXX
0 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
 Likes Attract Likes, 2008-05-05
This book embraced important issues about life-decisions very well. Marrage is business - ask an attorney or anyone in or near divorce.
Single or married, HAPPY PEOPLE DO NOT WANT YOU TO BE UNHAPPY. Most miserable people are so mixed up that they tend to follow nature's law of "like attracts like". Many insist that you join "their ranks", no matter what your personal feelings or costs will be. Truely happy and healthy people want you happy and making the best life-decisions for YOU.
I'm a medical clinician and have taken many very private personal histories over the years. Candidly, MANY married friends or aquaintences (a wife or husband - without their spouses present)have stepped up to the plate and have told me point blank in private HOW LUCKY I AM TO BE SINGLE. These stories happen over and over, year after year. I hear them from all levels - all the way up to professionally degreed ladies and gentlemen. They couldn't believe what they traded and gave up, wishing more than anything that they could get out of their marrages.
I was married once briefly and very happy then, too. Unfortunatley, she abandoned our plans of dual professioanl incomes, saving and investing. We were retiring early together to travel to follow a "lets have fun together following our instincts and interests" lifestyle. She wanted to retire THEN. I was loaded with all financial responsibilities with my new, irresponsible, yet loving (in her ways) wife. Six months after we married, a short gentleman's discussion cleared any misunderstandings that I may have had about our plans. We thoroughly discussed our marrage GOALS. I NEEDED to be sure she changed. Three days later, my divorce was on the way and I felt a tremendous sense of relief. One of my most happiest and most productive days was the day the judge signed my divorce. It felt I, MY ONE CHANCE IN LIFE, was born anew with a fresh start every morning.
As a happy single, I have to make up my own mind based on my true feelings. "Marrage pushers" grasp at holding "spouse power cards" - typically, the non-worker party (yes, they're having a party). The longer someone stays in a clear misadventure with wrong parties, the potential of great emotional and financial losses skyrocket.
Today, many younger first generation immigrants entering the U.S. refuse to get a U.S. marrage. They feelit's too risky for hard workers trying to embrace dreams of a new life. Their solution? They adopt or parent their children overseas and raise them in the U.S. independently. I've read through U.S. BLOG sites where ladies have "Divorce Showers" BEFORE saying vows. These groups plot and plan to take their husbands for everything, BEFORE the wedding day. The typical execution takes 1 to 3 years plus the pleasant divorce.
Need to valadate a potential spouse? Look at their Real World ADULT Report Cards: Family history, read their credit ratings, lifetime social security earning statements, financial records, and validate REAL Monthly Cash Flow. Are they "true" or are they taking monthly cash advances (your future debt, so get ready) to snow-job everyone concerned with your well-being and appear more attractive as a valuable mate?
Gravitating towards a variety of happy people who stay busy with socially healthy, personally challanging activities is probably the best choice. Validate their Adult Report Cards. Someone who loves you and looking out for your best interests, too, will discuss everything with you willingly and openly.
Of course, you can smile, date, go out, and just stay happily single. Spend that dough on you and protect your future!
7 of 8 people found the following review helpful:
Eye-opening and interesting, 2008-05-03
I know some people are marriage-obsessed and I've certainly experienced one of the main questions at a family gathering being, "So, do you have a boyfriend?"; still, I've never realized the extent of discrimination against singles. (And yes, Bella DePaulo is very aware that singles do not face the discrimination many other groups must survive.) Sometimes she seems to be digging too deep into a frankly benign situation, but other times she uncovers surprising truths. The tone rarely contains bitterness - yes, there is some, but DePaulo approaches her subject matter with humor. Each chapter focuses on a different subject singlehood in a fairly self-contained manner. She concisely debunks most of the popular myths about singlism.
In one of the concluding chapters, DePaulo writes, "I think that most Americans - including most single Americans - want the marital mythology to be true. They passionately want to believe that if only they find their soulmate, they will live happily ever after." My friends and I talk all the time about this concept, and we do want it to be true. We grew up in an age of high divorce rates, but we still hold the Disney dream close - jaded, cynical teenagers who still believe one day we'll find the one. Maybe we will, maybe we won't. Who cares? We'll be just fine on our own, whether Prince Charming arrives on the scene or not.
Don't be put off by the non-fiction aspect. SINGLED OUT is a fascinating read. It may not change your paradigm, but it will open your eyes to various injustices.
Excerpted from In Bed With Books.
1 of 9 people found the following review helpful:
 Not too convincing, 2008-03-14
I wish I could put a finger on it -- but this book has probably done more to convince me that there's something wrong with my single state than anything. It seems to suggest that there's no natural desire for a mate, that if it weren't for the marriage agenda we'd all be happily single, and it just seems to fly in the face of common sense and overstretch too often. I would prefer to stay single after a bad marriage but find it difficult to accept, and was hoping this book would give me more to support that choice. Instead I find myself going, "well, maybe it's not really all that natural for a married couple to invite a single to a social function in this or that circumstance...." Being single isn't about doing things alone (humans are social animals), and I think she misses that point often. That's not to say that there isn't plenty to ponder, but I don't agree with her conclusions too often. It's an interesting read.
3 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
 So Sad, 2008-02-19
A very selective review of the literature on singlehood. DePaulo has a good point--alone does not equal lonely, and our society should be aware and open to that. However, she protests too much--and misinterprets a lot of other people's meaningful words in very negative ways.
Price is accurate as of the date/time indicated. Prices and product availability are subject to change. Any price displayed on the Amazon website at the time of purchase will govern the sale of this product.
|
Store Categories
|