by Ellen Fein, Sherrie Schneider
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Product Description
According to authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, the rules of a happy marriage are often very different from the rules a single woman should follow in order to get hitched in the first place. In their phenomenally successful dating guide, The Rules, Fein and Schneider urged single women to adopt a strategy of denial--don't call him, don't be too available, don't sleep with him early on. In marriage, however, it seems the rules have drastically changed. He wants sex? Give it to him. He doesn't want to talk? So be it. He wants to go to the game and you don't? Shut up and go. As Schneider stated in a promotional TV interview, "It's not about being right--it's about what works." If you operate on the premise that most of the emotional work in a marriage is the responsibility of the woman, and that any marriage is preferable to no marriage at all, then this book is for you. "The fact is, to be happily married, a woman sometimes needs to treat her husband like a client or customer whom they want to keep happy (let him be right)," the authors write. "You're probably thinking, 'Why can't it be equal?' Why doesn't he have to do all the things you're suggesting, like 'Don't say the first mean word or make up first?' Our answer is because that is the way it is." For women who work hard in demanding jobs and then come home to manage children and a household, learning that they should completely put aside their needs, yet "continue to be a creature like any other," will not only come as a shock, but as an insult as well. To be fair, some of the 43 rules in the book are the kind of useful common sense that would benefit any partnership. Untold numbers of marriage experts have been dishing out this kind of advice for years--say what you mean but don't say it meanly, be supportive, and don't nag. Fortunately, if lowering your expectations and letting your hubby win (Rules 5 and 9) don't work, the book also includes rules for divorce and second marriages. --Marianne Painter
Amazon.com Review
According to authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, the rules of a happy marriage are often very different from the rules a single woman should follow in order to get hitched in the first place. In their phenomenally successful dating guide, The Rules, Fein and Schneider urged single women to adopt a strategy of denial--don't call him, don't be too available, don't sleep with him early on. In marriage, however, it seems the rules have drastically changed. He wants sex? Give it to him. He doesn't want to talk? So be it. He wants to go to the game and you don't? Shut up and go. As Schneider stated in a promotional TV interview, "It's not about being right--it's about what works." If you operate on the premise that most of the emotional work in a marriage is the responsibility of the woman, and that any marriage is preferable to no marriage at all, then this book is for you. "The fact is, to be happily married, a woman sometimes needs to treat her husband like a client or customer whom they want to keep happy (let him be right)," the authors write. "You're probably thinking, 'Why can't it be equal?' Why doesn't he have to do all the things you're suggesting, like 'Don't say the first mean word or make up first?' Our answer is because that is the way it is." For women who work hard in demanding jobs and then come home to manage children and a household, learning that they should completely put aside their needs, yet "continue to be a creature like any other," will not only come as a shock, but as an insult as well. To be fair, some of the 43 rules in the book are the kind of useful common sense that would benefit any partnership. Untold numbers of marriage experts have been dishing out this kind of advice for years--say what you mean but don't say it meanly, be supportive, and don't nag. Fortunately, if lowering your expectations and letting your hubby win (Rules 5 and 9) don't work, the book also includes rules for divorce and second marriages. --Marianne Painter
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Average Customer Review:
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 REAL MEN love Rules Girls!!!, 2008-08-22
I remember my Mother making a statement to me years ago, that I thought was RIDICULOUS! It was "Find a man that loves you more than you could ever LOVE HIM!" Crazy? right? NO!!! As an adult I figured out what she was trying to convey...We, as women have to learn how to love OURSELVES first, and that way, we will think too highly of ourselves, to accept "inferior" treatment by men. Thus...this is the premise for this book, as well as all the other "Rules" books. Women who VALUE themselves, and their time,set boundaries, and live by them, and either the man will accept them, or leave! I find this book, as well as the others, to be just basic, common sense! Trust me, I bought into the "It's the 90's" mantra men would throw at me, and call them, at their request, be too nice,too available, then scratch my head when I would see them happily start dating a women we all knew was "difficult". I do not now believe these ladies were difficult, rather they let the guy know straight up, they were not pushovers,and strangely,the guys seemed to LOVE it!!! I decided to start doing the Rules, as written, and met and married a teriffic guy, who treats me like I am a precious jewel, and you know what? I am....NO! We all are precious jewels girls!!!!! Why settle for less? I enjoyed this book, and have applied not all, but most of the Rules,and just celebrated 6 happy years of marriage....Remember......If you do not value and love YOURSELF, why should he?! It is up to the woman to set the standards....what we will and will not tolerate...and trust me....REAL MEN, WILL appreciate us for it!!! Oh,yes....Alot of gals I knew thought the Rules were foolish....Odd, these are the same ones who have not had a decent relationship in YEARS!!!!!
10 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Perfect Book for Loving Wives!!!!, 2007-05-15
For the most part, the first two books in this series represents exactly how a single, self respecting female should carry herself in and out of a relationship aside from always putting God first. Everything about the way most men think and behave point to the fact that they love a challenge and have a natural desire and need to be dominate in life, which is why women that come too easy cannot satisfy them completely. It's also why they will continue to pursue a Rules Girl and eventually propose to her. Essentially they want to win! With winning though, comes the spoils of victory. That's where the rules for marriage comes in! My husband feels blessed to have me as his queen. So many women wanted him, a lot of them very pretty, that at times I wasn't sure that it was meant to be. But I followed the rules (not perfectly) and carried myself like a creature unlike any other and he dispensed with all the women that used to fall all over him and asked for my hand. Most of the things that this book teaches about marriage were already instilled in me so these rules are a lot easier for me to follow than most, but they work and work well at that. Don't believe for one second that the loving husband and king that you won by carrying yourself like a queen and being hard to get will all of a sudden start walking all over you when you follow these rules. He will appreciate you, recognize you, and reciprocate your love fully. Trust me he will! And if your guy isn't a rules husband, and was never very loving to begin with (you won him aside from breaking most if not all of the rules) I still believe that if you follow the authors' advice in this book you will win him over. This book (though it does it in a not so pleasant manner) basically teaches you to show unconditional love and respect to your husband without strings. And like the Good Book says, love never fails. The problem is that most people, because of selfishness have never learned to love unconditionally. They give self seeking love which isn't love at all. I follow theses rules. I support and nurture my husband's needs as a man, a champion and a king, and I know that these above all are the reasons that he loves me, works to please me, takes care of me, provides for me and protects me, and I rest assured that if I continue to do my part (which is where one author admits to stumbling) that he always will. We both win!
5 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
 Are these Broads for Real?, 2007-04-11
As I read this book yesterday, all I could think was, are these women for real?
Is this some sort of satire or something? Some sort of let's make fun of the '50s and their quaint ideas spoof?
No, sadly they are for real, and all they are really doing is making me not want to get married ever, it's probably not their intention.
The advice in here is like a salad mixed with raw onions and beets. Every now and again they will throw in something to appeal to feminists who are desparate for men, but still want to be strong women. Things like keep your own interests, and don't bother him about tiles, go out and buy them yourself. But then they contradict themselves by saying, ask him before you get frilly curtains. They tell you to baby him when he has a cold, but if you are laying in bed from horrible cramps, you can't expect any sympathy from him.
They throw in useful gems like, don't nag him, seriously, who nags over toilet paper? If there isn't a roll up, who cares? Who bothers over such trivial stupid things?
They tell you to do things you don't want to do. How is that good advice? Why should I have to go to some wedding filled with people I don't know? Why should I have to force myself to do things I hate and don't want to when he doesn't have to do that?
Books like this and Men are from Mars Women are from Venus are destructive. They make it seem like men are IDIOTS and it's women's jobs to placate them. That's not a healthy relationship! They even go on to say don't bother with couple counceling, go to therapy yourself. Maybe it's you with the problem.
Dude, if you follow rules like this, you'll NEED therapy, anger management, because you'll be frustrated. If one person has to take care of the kids, work, then come home and serve a husband who is needy and demanding, who doesn't realize he's not a child, who demands sex when you're exausted, who doesn't even bother to communicate with you or show he cares enough about you to know what gifts you like, or that you are sore and swollen from pregnancy and need sympathy than they will get exausted, depressed and burned out!
Relationships should be about give and take, reciprocity, men and women both building each other up instead of propping up one person.
What happens when a couple has children? Will the man understand it's not about him then? Why the heck should you praise him for doing chores when he's not praising you? Give and take, all take and no give wears a person out!
Why should I take advice from a woman who separated from her husband in the first place? Surely I'd be better off listening to people who have been in healthy marriages for a long time where one person isn't elevated over the other creating a lot of problems in the future.
2 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
Horrible, 2007-03-09
I just read the table of contents for this book and I thought I might puke! This should be called, "How to be a slave to your husband"
This book only makes women think that men are superior and we are to bow to them. Give me a break! I was pissed just reading the table of contents
6 of 10 people found the following review helpful:
100% Obnoxious., 2006-11-22
If I could give this book negative stars, trust me when I say that I would. Never had I read a more obnoxious book. This was facetiously recommended to me by a friend, who warned me that I would be offended. Even keeping that in mind the entire time wasn't enough to keep my mouth from dropping open at some of the advice. Some of the "gems" included:
1. Ask your husband once and never again to help with the kids (provided that you have kids), and if he doesn't want to, act like a single parent and DO IT ALL YOURSELF.
2. If you become pregnant, don't complain to him about any of those unpleasant symptoms or feelings you're having, because he's not interested. Let him in on the "fun" part of pregnancy, like feeling when the baby kicks. Why stress him out otherwise? He's going to be a daddy soon!
3. Whether you think it's fair, the fact is that your man controls your sex life, so you should adjust yourself accordingly.
Based on advice like that, why the hell would anyone ever get married? If women in marriages are meant to just watch their tongue, not do anything that might bother their partner, and live for everyone, why be married? Why not just be on your own? Following these rules, I imagine that you would feel pretty isolated, anyway.
If I followed all these steps, sure: My significant other and I would get along great, because it'd be a male-centric relationship. But if I don't follow them--if I break out of the template and do my own thing, if I call him when I want to, if I actually speak my mind--then we won't work out?
I even told my parents--still married for 25 years--about the book, and they were equally annoyed. My mom pointed out, "If a woman is doing everything that the man is doing, then she is equally involved in that relationship." On a lighter note, my dad said that the book was "phooey," which amuses me, since he's not the type to ever utter that word.
I'm not delighting in the author's misfortune, but in a sense, I'm glad that her marriage failed. If she was following her own rules, then that means this book is a failure, as well, and I think we can all take a little joy out of that.
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