by Gary S. Aumiller, Daniel Goldfarb
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Book Description
Is he a Leech? Or Mr. Ego? Or The Burdened Beast? Learn the twenty-five different loser types of men and how to send them out of your life!
Sure he's gorgeous, funny, and charming--but early in any doomed relationship there are warning signals foretelling the bad news to come. Studies show that most women will try to justify these signs, excusing them so they don't interfere with their fantasy of having met the perfect man. Unfortunately, such signs are usually all too prophetic--they are the essence of what Drs. Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb call "Red Flags." The question then becomes how to detect and respond to a Red Flag before it's too late. This first-of-its-kind book will help readers determine a man's all-important "loser potential" within the first three dates.
Each chapter includes a profile of a different loser, a post-date quiz to help you determine if Mr. Right is Mr. Wrong, and important information about the best way to break up with him. Red Flags has all the fun of a magazine quiz combined with the expertise of psychologists who specialize in the techniques used by the police to profile criminals. They know how to spot the rejects--and now you will, too!
"After reading Red Flags you'll never be stuck in a bad relationship again. Thank you, Doctors Aumiller and Goldfarb, for writing the book every dating woman needs!"--Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrilla Dating Tactics
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Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 The Beauty is in its Simplicity, 2008-07-30
My best friend had recently ended a long-term relationship and had picked up this book for a laugh, more than anything else. After I ended a relationship with a man I thought I would marry, she loaned it to me with the words, "this book is a fun read, but you may find it a little creepy in its accuracy - I know I did." Boy, was she right!
I had agonized for months over the relationship and had even been to therapy trying to understand why I felt the way I did. My therapist was very forthright and informative, but I chose to ignore his advice (my mistake). I read self-help books (some good, some just OK) in an attempt to understand both myself and the relationship better. I finally realized that, for whatever reason, the relationship was not a healthy one for me and I ended it. A few weeks later, I read this book.
I initially found the descriptions in the book somewhat amusing. None of them really seemed to apply to my most recent relationship, so I was entertained by the brief overviews and the real-life scenarios. When I reached the middle of the book (the chapter titled "The Leech") I was suddenly stunned. The scenario and the description of how these people can make you feel were 100% right-on. The quiz showed that my ex scored well into the 'red flag' zone for this particular trait, and I was amazed to see that the brief description of the most effective way to end a relationship with someone of this trait was exactly what I had used only weeks before. After all of my introspection, I had decided that the only way he could accept a breakup was if I accepted all of the blame and reinforced to him that I was the one unable to hold up my end of the relationship (whether or not it was actually true). It worked better than I expected, which surprised me at the time, and here I was a few weeks later reading a book that told me, in half a page, to do that very thing.
Because the other traits did not pertain to my exact situation, I do not know whether the others are as accurate. I would say it is probably safe to think they are more accurate than not. I plan to buy this book so i have it as a handy reference for those times when I can't identify the source, but something just isn't quite what it should be.
Yes, the book simplifies things - it carves it out into easy-to-understand pieces, which is part of its appeal. It is entertaining - at least when the traits don't pertain to you and your significant other. It is also dead-on accurate. Some reviewers have claimed that the book tries to get women to seek out the same type of "ideal" man. This is not accurate - it encourages women to avoid truly unhealthy men...those who are not good relationship material, at least not at this particular time in their lives.
As for some reviewers' concerns about the book not addressing the underlying pathology of why the men behave this way, or why the women are attracted to these men, that would really be best for a psychologist to assist with in real-life instead of via a self-help book (the reasons can be many and vary from person to person).
Overall, it is a handy reference for the early stages in a relationship when there seems to be something you just can't quite put your finger on that keeps the relationship from feeling "right". I will recommend it to all of my single girlfriends (and I may even consider suggesting it to some of the married ones).
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 GOod book, 2008-02-28
Tells you everything that if you listen to your gut you already know. BUT IT DOES GIVE YOU WAYS TO GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP if you didn't listen to your gut to begin with,.,, So its worth owning
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
Works for me, 2008-01-16
Red Flags assesses various loser dude types quickly and concisely, and that works for me. My loser dude scored 60 on the Mr. Neglecter test, and close to that on Mr. Ego. This guy is so "red" he's a stop light. For me, it's a tremendous help to know that his behavior isn't about me, so I won't blame myself. When I read the story that precedes the test, I substituted my name and his for the main characters and the similarities were eerie. I love it when that happens!
Another thing I like about this book is that the final chapter gives examples of events and phases of our lives that can make us vulnerable to red flag types. This information is helpful for all women, even those who can spot a loser a mile away.
I'm giving this book 4 stars instead of 5 because I didn't find any information that addresses the root causes of choosing red flag types. Most of us who've been through any model of personal growth know that we're attracted to certain "types" and the reasons often trace back to our family of origin. Red Flags doesn't address this and doesn't offer any reference material on the topic. Also, the book does not have an index or a bibliography.
That said, I think this is a solid purchase for any woman who's out there dating, especially as our options dwindle for various reasons. Once again, the authors make it clear that finding Mr. Right is a numbers game, so it's good to know what types we shouldn't waste precious time on.
I found this book at the public library, but it's definitely worth the purchase price.
1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Gotta Have it BOTH Ways..., 2007-01-30
There are so many books available on Amazon & the public Library that are guides for Women avoiding "bad" Men, but how many are out there that do the opposite??? I'd like to know...
This is one of the better ones, especially with its point-checklists at the end of each description, but it is easy to get the feeling that this unilateral masterpiece is just following the river rapids of similar "Ladies avoid Mr. Wrong" books out there. I'd like to see a companion volume set up as this one was (Description, sample conversation, whys & wherefores, point-count checklist, and score interpretation). Maybe the title "Pink Flags"? (Is she a gold-digger? Is she a Nomad? Is she a Daddy's Girl? etc.)
One other criticism--many of the traits listed are superficial, not globally oriented (example--Does he look downward while conversing, or do his eyes dart around? Well, is this in reference to GENERAL behavior, or does it only apply to your (current) date, or behavior toward you specifically?) This especially would apply to behavior signifying any of the more violent or extreme categories. Then it tends to generalize.
1 of 3 people found the following review helpful:
Great Help!, 2007-01-11
This book has helped me through a lot of bad times. Would recommend to any in a relationship that you feel is at a stand still. The guidance is helpful.
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