by Dawn Berry
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Product Description
A comprehensive, compassionate look at domestic violence--including historical, psychological, social, familial, and legal issues--this well-organized, accessible book offers the most current information available on prevention and recovery, along with practical steps for escaping a violent domestic situation.
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Average Customer Review:
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
 the difference between violence and abuse, 2008-07-18
There is a crucial differences between male and female domestic violence. If a man isn't afraid of a woman's violence, it's not abuse. Fear is a defining factor.
Abuse is systematically controlling another person through intimidation and control in a sadly self-defeating attempt to get needs met. An abuser believe violence is justified in achieving this. Non-abusers may flip out sometimes, but they genuinely believe that violence is only justified in self-defense, and only in enough measure to protect ourselves or others.
Ironically, when a woman is continually abused, she become nervous, volatile, exhausted, and may even respond with verbal abuse and, rarely, physical violence (rarely because the male is usually more powerful.) Think: cornered animal.
When a man begins to change or behaves less violently, the deep anger women have been feeling but suppressing out of fear may finally come out, and not always in the nicest way. However, this is categorically different from abuse: punishing, strategic, intentional violence.
Sadly, men who are violent will use any excuse to defend their behavior. Hence, accusing their female targets of being abusers. That might be where the court statistics listed below come from (if they are even accurate). Ironically, many women don't prosecute their male abusers out of a misguided hope of helping them through nurture and communication instead. (In fact, it appears that real painful consequences are much more likely to motivate an abuser to change.)
Women aren't "better" than men for being statistically much less likely to be abusers. They simply don't have that option due to the reality of the comparable strength of their bodies and society's conditioning.
Think about this: How many women buy a gun and routinely wave it around to intimidate their husband to control his behavior? It seems absurd, doesn't it? What might the man do in response? Run away? Try to overpower her anyway? Yet men easily intimidate women in this way without that gun, simply because they are physically (and often financially) stronger.
Ironically, women who actually are abusive are said to be the hardest to rehabilitate. This is because a woman who goes against all of society's training to use brute force to try to get her needs met is usually severely mentally ill.
So... To the man who feels a need to bring up women's abuse in a review of a book designed to help men stop abusing and help women escape their abuse... What need does this fulfill in you? Why not stop denying and blaming others for your behavior and get help? Or recommend a good book that specifically targets helping women abusers to change and their male targets to free themselves from women's abuse? After all, isn't the purpose of these books to help both men and women...and their children?
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Relationships in Crisis, 2008-03-28
This is a necessary read for any therapist working with couples in crisis. Understanding the criminal nature of battering, the state laws governing the offense, and the denial and minimizing of the act of violence by the victim is important for appropriate intervention and safety of the patient.
7 of 19 people found the following review helpful:
 More male bashing propoganda, 2006-11-20
Unfortunately, rather than taking on a very important social issue with objectivity and truth, the book simply repeates completely unfounded propoganda that women are the victim in "85%+" of cases. Anyone interested, do what I did (/do) as part of my employment -- go to your local family court and watch on domestic violence day(s). No one will be able to pull the anti-male wool over your eyes after that. Men are the plaintiff in about 35% of the cases -- and we need to keep in mind that men are far less likely to step forward and are far more likely to be ridiculed, harassed, and treated dismissively at every step in the process (for example - 90%+ of all domestic violence shelters have "women" somewhere in their title...not exactly an invitation to a male who desperately needs help).
Sadly, this kind of "book" (with dubious sources when they bother to give a source at all) perpetuates the myths and does great harm by keeping the +/- 40% of victims who need help oppressed.
1 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
 Great Book, 2006-08-15
Ladies, if you're a victim, read this book. (And I say "Ladies" because--despite what the woefully misinformed individual below tells his "clients"--women DO make up the HUGE majority of victims.)
11 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
In response, 2004-10-12
Just in response to a previous reviewer- As a domestic violence education professional, I assure you that all reputable sources on domestic violence agree that women make up the overwhelming majority of victims of DV (these statistics vary from the 80s to the high 90s in terms of percentages).
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