Intellectual Foreplay: A Book of Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-Be

It's an interesting concept: questions to ask to determine compatibility or just get to know a lover or potential lover better. The book starts with "Who Are You?" questions covering a myriad of topics, such as self-esteem, values, hobbies, trust, romance, spirituality, health, and time management. Other sections include "Where Did You Come From?" (past, family, friends, education, and intelligence), "Where Are You Going?" (money, work, and future), "Can We Live Together?" (home, household responsibilities, food, bathroom, pets, vehicles, garden), and "Where Are We Going?" (vacations, holidays, children, wedding, and sex). Some questions will strike you as significant and others as unsubstantial--choose the ones that intrigue you. Tips for using the questions productively are peppered throughout the book. For example, figure out your top 20 "non-negotiable" questions and answer them yourself before asking them of a partner. It's an interesting spin on relationship deepening, and will certainly spark conversation. --Joan Price

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Very insightful, 2008-11-19
My boyfriend and I are going through this book right now and it has given us new insight into each other. Though we met on a website that covered a number of these issues, there is much more to explore. There are some questions that are more comfortable than others to answers, of course. But that is telling, as well. A good way to get to know someone that you may be serious about and to get to know your partner even better. Our answers have led to some good conversations. I also like the real life scenarios that the authors include.


0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Intellectual Foreplay, 2008-05-11
This book is very helpful in getting to know a lover or lover-to-be as the extended title says. The questions are set up in chapters that lead you into discussions that should take place between couples, even couples who have known each for awhile or even forever would benefit from the insights gained with a responsive partner.


2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Wonderful. Must read!, 2007-06-28
My fiancée and I are almost through Intellectual Foreplay. We have been using it for several months, slowly going through the chapters. Sometimes questions in different chapters have led us to more fully understand one another, and amazingly at other times questions have caused us to reflect and understand our own selves in different ways. Although a few moments with the book have been a challenge, overall, it has actually been tons of fun. I will soon graduate with my doctorate in clinical psychology and I FULLY plan on recommending this book to any couples with whom I do any type of premarital counseling. It has been a very useful tool in a beautiful journey.

I have heard many, many couples say that the first year of marriage is the most difficult. Couples may not know how a spouse rolls the tooth paste roll or in what areas of life the other individual wishes most to grow. And these may be things that will seem huge and insurmountable once one enters into marriage (yes, even the toothpaste rolling). This book asks almost every question imaginable and I think (and hope)that by covering the many things that couples might not otherwise think to talk it may ease the transition of the first year or in the worst case help a couple identify irreconcilable differences before walking down the isle.

It adds variety and depth to an occasional date night and may enrich a relationship. Highly Recommend.



1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Highly Recommended, 2007-05-29
I've read many relationship books, but this is by far the most relevant to any relationship, regardless of how long you have been together. This is fortunately not one of those "fluff" books filled with silly ideas and questions, instead this book is filled with many relevant, practical questions, many of which you wouldn't think of, or would take for granted.

This book is broken into seven parts, Using Your Head and Your Heart, Who Are You, Where Did You Come From, Where Are You Going, Can We Live Together, Where Are We Going, Can We Evolve Together. Each part starts with a real life example, so you can see how understanding that issue may be relevant, before moving onto several pages of questions. These questions are also broken down sections- questions to ask each partner, questions to explore as a couple, observations of your partner and self observations.

Going through this book, or just by yourself, you'll come out at the end with a clearer view of yourself and/or your relationship.


3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

separated after 32 yrs, 2006-12-31
My wife and I are now separated after 32yrs of marriage(both married at age 20). This book was originally referred to me by my therapist in hopes that it would help me with conversation should I have to begin all over in the dating world. I found some very intense questions that if answered honestly, could help strengthen and intensify or totally dismiss an existing relationship. The questions asked should be answered by everyone prior to a permanent relationship as the answers can provide a true insight into the individuals involved. Pay close attention to questions that deal in future possibilities; such as permanent health and disability issues, though they are hard to imagine until they happen they become quite real and can have a major affect on a relationship. My wife is now reading this book and I am eager, yet apprehensive for her to finish it, because at that time we will discuss whether I will be returning home, more importantly, after she answers the questions, does she want me to return home. I have purchased this book for my 3 adult children, one who is married, for our marriage couselor and for a very good friend who has become involved with someone. Hopefully my wife and I will be able to use this book to help us reconnect and enjoy another 32 yrs. Thank you Eve for sharing your book with us.

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