by Byron Katie, Stephen Mitchell
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Product Description
Out of nowhere, like a fresh breeze in a marketplace crowded with advice on what to believe, comes Byron Katie and what she calls “The Work.” In the midst of a normal life, Katie became increasingly depressed, and over a ten-year period sank further into rage, despair, and thoughts of suicide. Then one morning, she woke up in a state of absolute joy, filled with the realization of how her own suffering had ended. The freedom of that realization has never left her, and now in Loving What Is you can discover the same freedom through The Work.
The Work is simply four questions that, when applied to a specific problem, enable you to see what is troubling you in an entirely different light. As Katie says, “It’s not the problem that causes our suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.” Contrary to popular belief, trying to let go of a painful thought never works; instead, once we have done The Work, the thought lets go of us. At that point, we can truly love what is, just as it is.
Loving What Is will show you step-by-step, through clear and vivid examples, exactly how to use this revolutionary process for yourself. You’ll see people do The Work with Katie on a broad range of human problems, from a wife ready to leave her husband because he wants more sex, to a Manhattan worker paralyzed by fear of terrorism, to a woman suffering over a death in her family. Many people have discovered The Work’s power to solve problems; in addition, they say that through The Work they experience a sense of lasting peace and find the clarity and energy to act, even in situations that had previously seemed impossible.
If you continue to do The Work, you may discover, as many people have, that the questioning flows into every aspect of your life, effortlessly undoing the stressful thoughts that keep you from experiencing peace. Loving What Is offers everything you need to learn and live this remarkable process, and to find happiness as what Katie calls “a lover of reality.”
From the Hardcover edition.
Amazon.com
Remember the phrase "question authority"? Loving What Is is a workbook on questioning authority--but in this case, what is in question is the authority of our own fundamental beliefs about our relationships. Known simply as "The Work," Byron Katie's methods are clean and straightforward. The basis is a series of four questions addressed to your own lists of written assumptions. Whether you're angry with your boss, frustrated with your teen's behavior, or appalled at the state of the world's environment, Katie suggests you write down your most honest thoughts on the matter, and then begin the examination. Starting with, "Is it true?" and continuing with explorations of "Who would you be without that thought?" this method allows you to get through unhelpful preconceptions and find peace. An integral part of the process is "turning the thought around," and at first this can seem like you're simply blaming yourself for everything. Push a little harder, and you'll find a very responsible acceptance of reality, beyond questions of fault and blame. The book is filled with examples of folks applying The Work to a variety of life situations, and reading other's examples gets the idea across pretty clearly; chances are you'll find your own frustrations echoed on the pages a few times. Many chapters are divided into specific topics, such as couples, money, addictions, and self-judgments, with one chapter devoted to exploring the method with children. Questioning your own authority is never an easy process, but it seems well worth the potential rewards--stress-free choices, peace, and affection for those closest to you. --Jill Lightner
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Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 Byron Katie is one of my favorite people, 2008-08-31
This book helped to change my life in such a positive direction, I've bought it on CD (something I don't normally do because I can't stand audio books) and now, in paperback form. I've checked it out from the library many, many times. It really is *that* good.
I can't say I've actually done The Work on paper. I do it in my head (not something she recommends, I don't think), but it's just as effective for me. You don't have to read this book from cover-to-cover to reap benefits. You don't have to devote hours to doing the introspection. If you want to leave your past in the Past, but practice thinking in ways that improve the Present and Future, this book is just as useful.
I am truly grateful for this book's existence. It's one of the three books I'd take with me if I had to escape my burning house, simply because I sometimes need gentle reminders and it is very good at being just that. I have recommended this book to several friends (and burned copies for them) and they've all felt it helped them.
I hope it benefits you, as well.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 On reflection..., 2008-08-31
I first read this book some years ago and was quite struck with it, and for a while I was enthusiastic about using the four questions. The problem was that after a while I knew that I was really getting anywhere because there would always be more thoughts to be questioned and I simply didn't have the time or space to spend my life scribbling away day after day. Also the turnarounds felt a bit forced and nothing much changed in my life. The problem with this 'system' is that it isn't practical and that it seems to offer some vague hope of enlightenment; that one day you will find 'the ultimate' turnaround and then you will be just like BK, on cloud nine, never getting angry, at one with everything. This is totally unrealistic and not actually desirable. Maybe I approached it the wrong way because I wanted to 'get something out of it'. The point though, is that the four questions miss the point - whether a thought is true or not isn't the point, and nobody can live not believing in anything and turning everything back to themselves, and that's why I think the work is a bit silly and possibly a bit dangerous. If you want to read something more balanced and sensible, and in my experience a lot more effective, please try Come to Your Senses by Stanley Block. His theory is a step up from whether something is true or not,because we are so much more than just a set of beliefs or non-beliefs.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
Loving What Is, 2008-08-26
My shrink suggested I read this book so I bought it and tried to read it. I've only been able to get through a quarter of the book so far because the main message seems to be: "It's not what happened to you, it's how you look at what happened, so forgive the person who hurt you and let it go."
I guess that's a nice idea but I don't think that works under all circumstanaces. I mean if somebody hurt you very badly, it may be nice to forgive them but I'm not sure that helps to keep it from happening again.
I would like to make sure I take better care of myself by keeping it from happening again and just looking at something differently doesn't really seem to do that. I've forgiven myself for letting it happen but I want to make sure it doesn't happen again. How does looking at something differently do that?
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
Loving What Is, 2008-08-08
Great book. I loved the concept and the content. Very effective in using real life examples.
2 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
 One of the worst self-help books I have ever read, 2008-07-30
This is truly one of the worst self-help books I have ever read - and I have read a bunch! It was so bad I returned this book to Amazon for a full refund. The "Four Questions" are stupid and redundant. Her whole premise is that all you have to do to solve all your problems is think about them differently - as if that will change reality. While I agree that "there is no reality, only perception" for the most part, if I perceive that my husband is an alcoholic because he drinks himself into a stupor every night, guess what? He is an alcoholic! That is reality! I can talk about it until I'm blue in the face but he is still an alcoholic! Don't even waste your time reading this book, there are so many other books out there that are more helpful.
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