The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond

Does your partner seem irritated or angry at you several times a week?
Does he deny being angry when he clearly is?
Do your attempts to discuss feelings of pain or emotional distress leave you with the feeling that the issue has not been resolved?
Do you frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses, as though you were each speaking a different language?

Almost everyone has heard of or knows someone who is part of a verbally abusive relationship-if they're not involved in one themselves. In The Verbally Abusive Relationship, you'll find validation and understanding-it's "not all in your head"-and encouragement for your efforts to change the situation. In this expanded second edition, author Patricia Evans explores the damaging effects of verbal abuse on children and the family, and offers valuable insight and recommendations to therapists, as well as those who seek therapeutic support.

Amazon.com Review
Are you now, or have you ever been, in relationships with family, friends, or mates who have been verbally abusive? Is your happiness with someone you love continually threatened by interactions that continually undermine your self-esteem? Do you feel trapped in a relationship that keeps decaying in a downward spiral of overt or passive-aggressive abuse?

If so, this book could be your life raft, either carrying you toward repair of the existing relationship or the effects of past relationships or offering liberation from your current confusion. Its practical approach can help clear your head and possibly change your life. The only criticism that I and other readers have is that the author assumes verbal abuse is almost always directed by males toward females, which, in my experience and that of others I know, is not necessarily the case. Highly Recommended.

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Finally...I Understood What was Happening to Me and I got Out!, 2008-11-13
I didn't know what was wrong with my marriage, but I knew I was unhappy. At least once a week I found myself telling my husband, "Don't talk to me like that. It makes me feel bad." But he didn't stop. It just got worse.

These kind of relationships are poison because you are being emotionally abused.

Day by day you grow more and more less confident and uneasy...but you can't understand why.

Please, if you think you are being mistreated...you probably are.

Read this book so that you have a better understanding of what is going on in your relationship. Seek professional help, go to the nearest women's shelter if you need help or affordable counseling.


0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Increased understanding, 2008-11-10
This book is a great start for someone trying to understand what verbal abuse is about and why it happens. After being in a 10 year relationship and not being able to figure out why it wasn't working - this book helped to explain a lot.

It is written in a way that easy to read and understand - gradually introducing terms and phrases that are used throughout the book.

It has not only helped for me to understand a past relationship but will help for me to recognize verbally abusive characteristics in people that I may meet in the future.

Thank you.


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

The abuser bought this book, 2008-11-07
My husband of 20 years was cleaning out some old books to give away and told me that I could look through them to see if I wanted any before he packed them up. I found this book by Patricia Evans in the pile and wondered why he had the book. I took it out of the pile and started reading it and couldn't stop until I was finished. I recognized my husband's behavior and our personal dynamics in it. I had tried everything over the years to stop his anger outbursts and name-calling -- everything -- and couldn't figure out why an intelligent, aware person like me couldn't help him understand how much it hurt me. I thought he wanted to stop, and he must have had some inkling of his problem, because he bought the book at some point. But he didn't read it. After reading this book myself, I know he doesn't really want to stop and he can't stop. Wow. My worldview is totally different now and I feel empowered to do what is right for me.

The next day (today), I ordered this book for my sister (whom I suspect is in a verbally abusive relationship) and my daughter-in-law, who is studying to become a therapist. I want them both to get as much out of the book as I did. It positively changed my life.


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Extremely helpful book, 2008-10-31
When I was considering buying this book, I read the reviewer who said she read it on a Monday and filed for divorce on Friday. I thought WOW, that's a pretty powerful book! It took me a little longer to leave - 4 months. If you even think you are in an abusive relationship, I cannot recommend this book enough. Verbal abuse might not even involve yelling or name calling - it can be very, very subtle. The main thing is to look at how you feel in the relationship - not at what your partner is telling you you should feel. A marriage isn't a prison sentence. This book was right on target in describing all of the different types of verbal abuse and how the partner of a verbal abuser feels. It also had some great suggestions for how to move forward.


0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Love this book, 2008-10-23
After YEARS of living with a verbally abusive man (40 to be exact) I read this book.. I saw myself in this book and him as what he was.. For years I was on antidepressants, anxiety meds and suffered from high blood pressure.. I could NOT understand why I couldn't cope.. I picked up this book,read it all the way through... and THEN started taking up for MYSELF... whenever he contradicted everything I would say, whenever my joy or my accomplishments were met with a blank stare Or
whenever he would emotionally check out.. I would stop him.. Put my hand in his face ...say STOP this is crazy making annnnd I know where you are coming from.. Now things are POSITIVELY changing..

I have only read one negative review of this book and that was Probably from a man who engages in this counterproductive and abusive behavior himself. Those men Like my husband are threatened by a book like this for exposing them for the bullies they are.. A marriage / relationship should be a partnership, not a GAME of one upmanship.. I asked my husband just today.. does it make you feel better about yourself to contradict EVERYTHING I say.. Verbal abuse is hurtful, hateful, scarring and should not be tolerated by any one especially women who have give their lives,, sacrificed their own happiness for the ones they love. It should NOT be tolerated, and at the very least the women should be given the love and respect of all the men in their lives,,they should NOT be demeaned or degraded by the men who claim they love them..THIS BOOK IS A WAKE-UP CALL and should be read by women and ALL the men who engage in this sort of behavior.

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