What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom For The End Of Life

Facing death results in more fear and anxiety than any other human experience. Though much has been done to address the physical pain suffered by those with a terminal illness, Western medicine has been slow to understand and alleviate the psychological and spiritual distress that comes with the knowledge of death. In What Dying People Want, Dr. David Kuhl begins to bridge that gap by addressing end-of-life realities -practical and emotional -through his own experiences as a doctor and through the words and experiences of people who knew that they were dying.

Dr. Kuhl presents ways of finding new life in the process of dying, understanding the inner reality of living with a terminal illness, and addressing the fear of pain, as well as pain itself. He also offers concrete guidance on how to enhance doctor/patient relationships and hold family meetings, and provides an introduction to the process of life review.

It is possible to find meaning and peace in the face of death. What Dying People Want "helps us learn to view the knowledge of death as a gift, not a curse." (New Times)

Amazon.com Review
The introduction in this wise book mentions something that author David Kuhl learned from his years of working with the terminally ill: "I didn't know how to talk to them about dying." In What Dying People Want, Kuhl shares his education on this topic by focusing on the daily experience of patients who are learning how to broach such discussions with their caregivers and families while coming to terms with their own mortality.

Heart-wrenching personal stories are intertwined with practical suggestions, and specific instances are frequently used to illustrate techniques, processes, and the importance of telling your story, rather than assuming your family already knows it. Kuhl focuses particularly on coming to terms with one's past. Discussions of family histories, lifelong priorities, and difficult choices are emphasized as tools for making peace among family members and with one's own conscience.

The daily life of pain management and support groups is also covered in detail, and Kuhl offers plenty of suggestions on how to begin that difficult conversation in which death is first acknowledged as a rapidly approaching fact. Written for patients and caregivers as well as friends and family, this useful guide will help everyone involved navigate the twists and turns of terminal illness. --Jill Lightner

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful:

Readable and valuable, 2005-10-13
As pointed out in a previous review, this is not a book with the most up-to-date research and theory on grief, loss, and dying. But then, if it were, it would lose its primary audience, ordinary people. If you have done a lot of work in this area then you may not find much new, though I think the book is still a refreshing read. But it is a book I could recommend for many patients and family members, as well as some caregivers who may not have had much education and experience with grieving people. As a physician, I doubt that the book is too "basic" for most colleagues who are not in high-mortality specialties.


13 of 15 people found the following review helpful:

rational guide to understanding the needs of the dying, 2004-04-30
This book explores the rational needs of the dying and is well written and easy to understand, in parts engaging though a bit lengthy.
Caregivers,friends,family of dying can gain some insight into the personal and social aspects of some of the issues the dying deal with including coping with pain, cargeivers, friends, family, and finding meaning. Nonetheless,it lacks thoroughness, is somewhat unsystematic and oversimplifies many aspects of dying.The author failed to borrow from many studies now available on hospice and palliative care not to mention social psychology and communication theory.The author seems to believe finding meaning for the dying is critical and achieveable. In this regard, I am reminded of William James belief about "healthy-mindedness"-an unrealistic optimism which is uncanny given the author is critical of how caregivers provide for the dying.
If you want a cursory, rational, unemotional beginners guide to what the dying deal with this is a decent choice but sedulous professionals or serious devotee need look elsewhere.


8 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

Not Only for the Terminally Ill, 2004-01-07
This book has the ability to change the lives of any person. It is geared towards the terminally ill, however, due to my profession and my past personal experience with the terminally ill, I thought I might reach a better understanding of what one goes through and expects from us when dying but doesn't out right say. Page 18 changed the way I thought about dying. "If I am living the way I would like to be living then my death, if inevitable, shouldn't pose a fear within myself." It is an overall wonderful book that helps us see what we can do to help the person who is terminally ill and helps us prepare to make our lives more meaningful in the case that we are ever deamed that way ourselves. Some people say to become terminally ill was a gift to them, showed them things they'd never noticed before, however noone wants to die. This book is a gift!


21 of 22 people found the following review helpful:

A wise and wonderful book, 2003-03-20
Dr. David Kuhl's book is the culmination of a ten year research study sponsored by the Project on Death in America. After receiving special training, he listened to the stories of people diagnosed with either cancer or AIDS. Even though his subjects, or "coresearchers" (his preferred term) were of varied marital, sexual, social, financial, familial and cultural backgrounds, their stories revealed common themes. Dr. Kuhl explains what each theme means to his coresearchers and translates their experiences into useful advice for terminally ill people, the people who love them and the health professionals caring for them.
Dr. Kuhl has written a quiet, thoughtful and moving book that is also quite practical. But be forewarned: it's not easy reading. For to acknowledge the dying experiences of others, we must confront our own mortality. Those who take the journey through to the end of the book may discover unexpected places in themselves more comfortably left hidden. But as Dr. Kuhl states, "Living and dying well involve enhancing one's sense of self, one's relationships with others, and one's understanding of the transcendent, the spiritual, the supernatural. And only in confronting the inevitability of death does one truly embrace life."

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