by Marla Paul
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| List Price: | $12.95 |
| Average Rating: |  |
| Lowest New Price: | $9.27 |
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Product Description
Finding friends was as effortless as breathing when we were kids-they slid into the seat next to us in class or lived across the street. Making friends as adults, however, can challenge even the most gregarious of women. They're shocked to discover how hard it is and secretly fear they're the only ones having a problem. But they're not. For many midlife women today, traditional social ties have been frayed or torn by such common life-changing shifts as: lMoving to a new town lLeaving a communal office to start a home-based business lBecoming an at-home mom lBeing divorced or widowed The Friendship Crisis provides women with a pathway out of isolation and into the warm embrace of friendship. Written in a lively, conversational style, it brings together the author's own experiences, profiles of women who managed to forge satisfying new connections at various stages of life, and the insights of psychologists and other relationship experts. In candid, resonant stories, women describe the strategies they used to overcome shyness and fear and take the first steps toward building a friendship. Included are tips for turning casual ties into lasting bonds and innovative ways to meet people with similar interests or needs. Paul also discusses friendship-boosters and -busters, how to be an enthusiastic friend without being overly aggressive or needy, accepting a pal's limitations, healing conflicts, and establishing a rhythm both friends find satisfying and comfortable. Recent research has proven the strong links between intimate friendships and mental and physical health. Filled with practical ideas and confidence-building advice, The Friendship Crisis will be the start of a lot of beautiful friendships.
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Average Customer Review:
3 of 5 people found the following review helpful:
 The "Female Middle-Age" Friendship Crisis, 2007-09-19
The title is somewhat misleading. Ms. Paul is not addressing this topic from a gender-neutral perspective, though the topic is certainly large enough to warrant a separate treatment. Instead, this work addresses some of the more specific aspects of female friendships. Measured against that metric, the work is very well organized, complete, and empowering (and a quick read). Or at least I think it is, as being male I can only infer so much.
The author acknowledges early on this is a "for women" book, but I decided to read through it anyway, with the goal of trying to map the subject matter into a more widely applicable set of principles for all friendships. If you work at it, you can do that with about 40% of the material: friends break up, people's relative situations change that require them discuss and adjust the friendship, the role of the internet and friendships with large age differences. There is some subject matter here useful for all.
Still, the work was written for women, and much of the time you can't work around that. Indeed, parts of it are downright hostile to men, as if they have a different capacity for friendship than women. From the book, pg. 100: "A man whips into his relationship toolbox - tiny as it is - and tries to fix a problem with a wrench twist of advice. Now, could you please hand him the remote and make some popcorn." Or this: "Females are hardwired to turn to other women in times of stress....A guy may brood on his La-Z-Boy. Women call a friend.", which just scream of gender bias.
If you read past those parts, you can get some value from this book. I think the Robert Putnam book "Bowling Alone", which she quotes in several places, might offer better coverage of the more general topic.
17 of 17 people found the following review helpful:
 Misleading title, 2007-01-10
I bought this book and its totally useless for men. It only refers to women, married or widoved ones, possibly with kids. What are we guys supposed to do??? Why limit the book to women only? I felt like everybody ignores men's solitude problems. If you write such a book, then you ahould state it clearly in the title or subtitle that it wont help guys.
24 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
 A little disappointed, 2006-07-25
I really wanted to like this book as I felt the subject matter was so timely for what I've been going through, as a single, childless, woman in her late 30's. However, like many other reviewers said, it mostly fell short for me. I've tried, multiple times, many of the things the author suggests. Much of the book was written for women with children, however, I did read the entire book despite this fact. I consider myself shy and there's even a chapter about that - but I gleaned nothing from this chapter that I haven't already tried without much avail. I do think the author means well and although I really "liked" her, from what I could glean as she wrote about herself, I didn't find this book to be as helpful as I'd hoped.
14 of 18 people found the following review helpful:
 Not just for married women w/ children, 2006-04-26
Another reviewer states this book is just relevant for women who are married and most likely have children. Not the case. Also, not the case that women without children have to make all the "sacrifices" to work around the schedule of those who do. You just need to be more aware and accomodating of things that go on in your friends' lives (you don't have to have children to lead a very busy life, you know). It's give and take and it's better not to keep score.
I don't have children, but I really benefited from reading the entire book because it showed me points of view and lifestyles that are different from my own. It helped me determine what I may have done wrong in the past (esp. related to my friends that have had children or got married long before I did--when our lives took very different paths) and what I could've done to save and preserve those friendships. I almost didn't read the chapter on losing a husband thru divorce or death because I didn't think it pertained to me. But it does...because most likely some day I will have a friend who loses her husband and it taught me how to help her and showed me her point of view--what she would want from me as her friend.
It's not just about finding and making friends. It's also about being a good friend to the ones you've got--married, single, with, or without children.
Thank you, Marla Paul, for writing this book!
13 of 16 people found the following review helpful:
too generalized , 2006-04-22
The problem for me is that the author gives generalized advice without specifics. She has a good heart, and it's mostly about don't feel bad don't take it personally if someone doesn't want to be your friend. Book is not about why women lose friends all the time, and the destructive competitiveness. I found the book is a little too positive and not realistic enough.
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