He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (The Newly Expanded Edition)

He says:

Oh sure, they say they're busy. They say that they didn't have even a moment in their insanely busy day to pick up the phone. It was just that crazy. All lies. With the advent of cell phones and speed dialing, it is almost impossible not to call you. Sometimes I call people from my pants pocket when I don't even mean to. If I were into you, you would be the bright spot in my horribly busy day. Which would be a day that I would never be too busy to call you.

She says:

There is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot, or beg anyone to ask us out. We're fantastic.

For ages women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.

He's afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn't want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he's intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.

Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that -- despite good intentions -- you're wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they'd like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.

The truth may be He's just not that into you.

Unfortunately guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, "You're not the one." But their actions absolutely show how they feel.

He's Just Not That Into You -- based on a popular episode of Sex and the City -- educates otherwise smart women on how to tell when a guy just doesn't like them enough, so they can stop wasting time making excuses for a dead-end relationship.

Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo's wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean "I'm in love with you and want to be with you."

He's Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman's night table. It knows you're a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start "figuring him out," consider the glorious thought that maybe He's just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Turned My Love Life Around, 2008-07-07
As corny as it sounds, this book turned my love life around. For years I made the rounds with guys who wasted my time. This book "laid down the law" in very concise and light-hearted manner. I quickly recognized the symptoms and got rid of the time wasters, found a guy who was truly interested and now been happily married for 1.5 years!!!


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Dangerously Misguided, 2008-07-06
Don't ruin your life with this foolish book. First off, Greg Behrendt is a stand-up comic, not an expert. Second, his "research" consists of emailing questions to a handful of personal friends. Furthermore, he comes across as being a narcissist and clearly a very controlling personality. I suppose if a woman wants to attract a narcissist, a Scott Peterson-type sociopath, a controlling abuser, or an obsessed stalker, then this book will be a very handy tool.

Adult men who come on like gangbusters in beginning are either desperately needy or have extremely shallow emotions, and are most likely either narcissistic or sociopathic or at least controlling. Period. These men lack the depth of emotion necessary to feel real love - otherwise it would take them some time to let it grow. What "love" is to them is being instantly infatuated with a woman's appearance and suitability. That wears off in time and they drop you like a hot rock for the next infatuation. Be wary of the ones who are "really, really into you" right off the bat, and if they are extremely charming, doting and flatter you a lot, RUN! Think about Amber Frey.

Also, he never reveals the number one reason a man loses interest in a woman: she has sex with him too soon. It's a double standard, but it's the truth, so deal with it. No man truly appreciates an easy woman. If Behrendt had an ounce of sense he would have said on every page to wait at least a couple of months, and definitely once exclusivity is mutually agreed upon, before consummating a relationship. Instead he rants on and on about NEVER, EVER calling a guy. That is ridiculous. All the nice, normal guys I know have a three try rule: if she doesn't call you back after three tries, leave her alone because she isn't interested. Only the most dangerous of men will keep pursuing a woman who never calls him back.

There are so very many misleading notions in this book that I could go on for pages, but essentially Behrendt has everything upside-down and backward: he advises to make it darned near impossible for a man to even get your phone number, unless he behaves like a desperate stalker, but then once you go out with the guy, you can feel free to immediately have sex and expect him to call you daily and act like you're in an established relationship - all in the first few weeks! In reality, you should let a man you like have your phone number, but then make him court you and work hard to EARN your trust and affection over time as you get to know each other, let real love blossom, and BUILD UP to an established relationship before sex becomes part of it. Duh!

The best book in the world on the subject of relationships is "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. It is very well researched and is based on interviews with many hundreds of men and women from all walks of life. It is written with great wisdom and humor and will explain everything you need to know about men and dating, such as why men don't call (not necessarily a reason to dump them); why you must wait to have sex; what drives men away; how to rekindle a man's interest; etc. Most importantly, it teaches women how to get into, and stay in, the driver's seat at all times. It transformed my dating life overnight and I haven't had trouble understanding men since.

John Gray's Mars and Venus series is excellent, too.



0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Are women really this desperate?, 2008-07-05
This book was great. It was witty and funny, and sad at the same time. Are women really this desperate? So many of the letters in this book reminded me of friends of mine who use every excuse in the book (literally) to defend their relationships with loser guys. It's nice that someone is finally telling it like it is!


0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

Trendy for the SITC generation how to, 2008-06-30
I don't go out of my way to read books about how we should and shouldn't act in the world, especially in the relationship genre because you end up either blowing it or seeing something that isn't there. This, however, is a good self help as to why and how we end up in the messes that we tend to be in.

Unfortunately, much of who we are will not show themselves until a situation presents itself. For example, you will not know if the person likes your friends until you introduce him to your friends. It's a sad world we live in to know that meeting your family and friends is a true litmus test, not just of them but of the potential party before you. Most of the time friends and family will be receptive, but I cannot tell you how many potential and even established boyfriends I have had who have broken it off after meeting my friends and family because they don't like them. All I can say is that that's terrible. They will disappoint you then and they will disappoint you in other situations as well. That's why he's not that into you.

Most of this is self explanitory: If he's not that into you, he won't call or go out of his way to include your being in his world. There is no 100% garantee that following this or any other self help guide will get the desired results. It uses trendy language that those who watch a lot of SITC will understand. The 90s had The Rules, then HJNTIY was the book for the 2000s. There will be something else next decade that will start a few new catch phrases.


2 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

This book ruined my relationship , 2008-06-28
This book makes women see problems were there are none. I was accused of so many selfish things and there was no truth to it. This is written by a lousy television show writer. What does that tell you? I don't need George Lucas writing me books about hyperspace or religion. I don't need Sex and the City to tell me about relationships. Women and men need to think instead of going to television for answers.

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