by Dave Barry
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| List Price: | $24.95 |
| Average Rating: |  |
| Lowest New Price: | $3.96 |
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Product Description
Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
• How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser
• How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many pictures of Suze Orman
But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies.
What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you.
Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.
What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. However much I get when I return these empties.
Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs.
How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities.
2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks.
3. My what?
When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of return.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.
How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.
—from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book”
Also available as a Crown eBook.
From the Hardcover edition.
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Average Customer Review:
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:
 Not a serious financial book, 2008-09-19
I would stay away from this book if you want to learn anything of real value. There are some intersting facts but they are hidden.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
Among Barry's best, 2008-03-06
This book is classic Barry, consistently funny all the way through, including his explanation of why there's a giant eyeball on the dollar. He does take frequent detours from the main topic, such as a lengthy section of travel tips including how to deal with airport security. Some of this material is a bit familiar, but well-done here and very funny. And the money theme does provide a thread running through the book, so it's still appropriately titled.
Dick Hill's narration of the audio edition is almost a bit over the top in places (but then, so is Barry's writing), and is somewhat better suited to Barry's novels. Still, it's not bad here.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
 Barry is back!, 2007-12-14
A few of his recent books suggested Dave Barry had lost it. But then came Money Secrets, and it turns out: he hasn't. This is classic Barry at his best, good laughs on every page and a number of brilliant strokes in his own inimitable style. It's a little book, but it's a gem.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Good Laughs - At Yourself, 2007-12-12
The book is funny. Not funny? Yes, it's funny. Dave Barry is playing with you. Read it and you will find out if you have a sense of humor about yourself.
Dave Barry's humor has always had an edge. Don't look for strict belly laughs without reading between the lines. His chapters on Teaching Your Children About Money, Starting Your Own Business, How to Get Rich in Real Estate, on Buying an Older House, etc. etc. are unexpected and offer some great chuckles.
Cheer up. Read the book. Have a laugh at yourself. It's good for your health. (So that's what it is! Maybe it's a health book!)
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
Another home run from a very funny man., 2007-09-03
Recently I read a New York Times movie review where the reviewer started with the comment that since he didn't like the star, he was certain he wouldn't like the movie. He then proceded to rake the flick over the proverbial coals. If that is a valid premise for a review then I should start by saying I like Dave Barry, therefore I will like this book.
Some day Barry will write something that isn't funny, but this isn't it. Oh, I'll grant you that if you don't care for his sometimes heavy handed style you may not laugh out loud as much as I do. But it would still be humorous.
Start with his dedication. "This book is dedicated to all the people in the world, on the theory that they will respond by thinking: 'Wow! A book dedicated to me. I should buy a copy.'" Wish I had thought of that and used it first.
The rest of Money Secrets is a broad satire on the many financial self-help books on the market. He makes his points with lines such as this, "The largest single item in the economy is the Gross National Product, or DNA for short."
One of Barry's strengths is his keen ability to take a subject and work it into more and more diverse and outlandish situations. Okay, Donald Trump is easy to make fun of but you would never imagine the roles he has in this book. While the comparison of Alan Greenspan and Punxsutawney Phil is slightly outdated, it will make you laugh. A final point worth noting is Barry's use of a small Angelina Jolie clip. I have better things to do than count the number of times she appears, but toward the end they're funny in and of themselves.
Dave Barry is a funny man and this is a funny book.
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