The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage

• avoid the "divorce trap"
• identify specific marriage-saving goals
• move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting
• become an expert on "doing what works"
• overcome infidelity, Internet obsessions, depression, sexual problems, and midlife crises
• get your marriage back on track -- and keep it there

Rescue your marriage with the proven techniques of The Divorce Remedy -- sound, sensible advice from a renowned relationship expert!

Amazon.com Review
In the United States, half of all marriages do not end in divorce--despite the interference of hell-bent lawyers, biased therapists, the media, and even well-meaning friends. The Divorce Remedy aims to increase this percentage by offering seven clear steps that couples--or even one hopeful spouse--can implement privately. A therapist herself, relationship expert Michele Weiner Davis accurately (and often humorously) shows how typical counseling and communications tactics backfire. Her method for saving a marriage involves an effective blend of subtle and obvious action steps, each taken in specific order. After a myth-busting lecture on the realities of divorce, Weiner Davis thoroughly outlines her simple plan. Intimidating discussion topics and emotional letter writing are not required; as she succinctly puts it, "happiness is a do-it-yourself job." Poignant questions help readers define their own needs, set specific marriage goals, and monitor results. Weiner Davis pays special attention to issues of infidelity, depression, midlife crises, and "passion meltdowns," showing how basic relationship skills (like understanding and patience) can reverse even the most dire marital scenarios. Clients' stories and letters provide ample testimony for the program's success, and despite her own zealous back-patting, Weiner Davis's sensible approach to revitalizing one's marriage seems truly worthy of praise and practice. --Liane Thomas

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

This is a long review to give you more information!, 2008-08-21
Having read just about every relationship and divorce book on the market, it is this one that I buy multiple copies of and give to all my friends, relatives and others. Why? First, many marriage-saving books are written from a religious perspective, but this one is not. It is not that she is anti-religious, just that you don't have to be religious to enjoy the book. I also like the fact that it is not that she thinks divorce immoral, just that she sees how miserable it makes even those who initiate it, in many cases. On page 14 of her other excellent book Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again, Michele Weiner-Davis writes: "MOST PROBLEMS ARE SOLVABLE. I have not arrived at this conclusion based on religious or moralistic views. From my perspective, divorce is not immoral or bad. In fact, in extreme cases, certain relationships are better off terminated for the health and well-being of everyone involved."

Many books are very negative and encourage behavior guaranteed to destroy a relationship instead of helping. This book is positive, gives the reader hope, and backs that up with concrete, specific, clear suggestions for what to actually do in practice to maximize the chance of saving your marriage.

I like the fact that she points out that your friends, family, and therapist may well push you to end your marriage, if only because they only hear your own side of the story. This is so true. It is a pity people nowadays make the mistake of bad-mouthing their spouse to others. John Gottman, too, has written that this is one of the things that jeopardizes marriages. (Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship)

It is no good giving this book to a spouse who wants a divorce: it is not written for the person who wants a divorce but those who are prepared to make changes to save their marriage, or those who are at least willing to give their spouse another chance. If you are the spouse wanting a divorce, you might find it useful to give this book to your spouse, though you should of course make it clear that this is not intended to give your spouse hope. To the extent that your spouse adopts the author's suggestions, both you and your spouse will find life more pleasant, and it may well help your spouse to feel better whether or not it saves your marriage. (You too may be surprised if you adopt her suggestions!)

For those not wanting to end your marriage, if only it could be a bit less ghastly, a bit more enjoyable, this is THE book to read. If you try the suggestions in this book and it still doesn't work, then at least you will know you did everything possible to save your marriage.

Many of the suggestions are for very small changes that can have surprisingly large effects. Things you can actually do even in the midst of terrible turmoil and fear of loss of your marriage. Her suggestions will help you feel better about yourself AND better about your spouse.

What is so beautiful about Weiner Davis's writing and this book in particular, is that she manages to be kind not just to the reader, but to the reader's spouse as well. For example, in Chapter 2, Weiner-Davis helps you to see that it is possible that each of you is mistakenly but very understandably blaming the other: "interactions in relationships are circular. You do something->your partner responds->you react->your partner responds, or, if it makes you feel better, you can view it the other way around. Your partner does something->you react->your partner responds->you react, and so on. Where the cycle begins is just a matter of perspective. And the good news about all of this is that when things are spiraling out of control, there is something you can do other than try to convince your partner to change. You can interrupt the cycle by changing your actions."

There are so many otherwise worthwhile books that are marred either by the writer being nasty to the reader (IMO, Dr Laura's books often fall into this category) or by the writer being nasty about the reader's spouse or encouraging the victim mentality. To create a good relationship, good will is required, and it is difficult to develop good will when the relationship is on the rocks, but if any book can help you do this, it is this one by Michele Weiner Davis.

Another problem with many relationship and marriage saving books is that they require both spouses to work on the marriage. We all know how unlikely that is, even in the best of marriages! This book assumes that only ONE of you wants to work on the marriage, and that there is never any question of the other person being expected to help save the marriage is very freeing and cheering, because it gives the reader hope and removes the feeling of powerlessness that is engendered when you read a book that assumes you both want to make changes together. As you yourself take action to improve your own life and treat your spouse well (but no, we are NOT talking being a doormat, here!) you start to feel less panic-stricken, more calm and peaceful, less out of control, and you can then hold your head high.

This author is nothing short of a genius. Read her books. Unless you are the most negative, cynical person I can imagine, you will find her ideas very practical, very helpful, and very much worth the price of the book.

All her books are worth reading. This one is absolutely brilliant.


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

The Divorce Remedy/Michele Weiner Davis, 2008-08-10
I like the way Michele Davis wrote this book better than the first book I read, Divorce Busting: A Step-By-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again. The Divorce Remedy is full of helpful ideas that can be useful on a day to day basis. I also like the positive pro marriage message. Now to see if I can practice what she teaches!


0 of 0 people found the following review helpful:

a fresh perspective, 2008-02-25
In a culture where getting a divorce is almost reflexive when any marital problem may occur, this book provides an alternative frame of mind. My hope is that many would read this book as a preventative measure; before their marriage is on the rocks. Although, there are many examples in this book where such marriages have been saved as well. Easy to read and practical application points.


1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

VERY GOOD BOOK TO SAVE A MARRIAGE AND/OR IMPROVE ANY RELATIONSHIP, 2008-01-17
This book is well written, empathetic, specific, and action oriented. It, along with the books and CD's by Ellen Kriedman on the same subject will change your marriage relationship or any relationship for the better. Highly recommended. boland7214@aol

PS: I forgot to mention that the book, "Divorce Busting" is by the same author. "Divorce Busting" was written in about 1991 and this book was written about 10 years later. Which is "the better book"? I dunno. But, one would think the later book would be an improvement over the earlier book. I can't say for certain but that's the way it would seem, correct? But, I do like the title, "Divorce Busting"! :o)


2 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

More like a relationship book than a divorce book, 2007-10-22
I agree with A Customer on this one. While this book is very matter of fact, it doesn't get into the touchy feely side like other books I have read (that's a good thing), it has clear steps on what do to and how to do. The practical side of me likes that.

However, I think that most of the scenarios she described were run-of-the-mill problems as the previous poster suggested. I was thinking, these people are getting divorced over this? This should be a marriage communication book, not a brink of divorce book. She did mention in the beginning about abusive relationships. Not ALL marriages should be salvaged, so she did point that out. Unfortunately, I don't believe everything else that is non-abusive should be saved. Some people out there ARE happier without the emotionally abusive, passive aggressive person and do find better.

It then left me to analyze the issues I have in my own relationship and I still question whether it's worth saving. After reading the book, I didn't feel overwhelmed with a gung-ho attitude that I'm saving this shambles of a relationship come hell or high water. The issues I am seeing are more serious (not as serious as physical abuse or drug addiction). I'm still questioning it - I don't know if I want it to work. I guess I am still open to new ideas as I keep reading books rather than getting out.

The step where you write down what you are seeking in a good marriage (turning complaints into attainable positive goals) did take me sometime to formulate and was beneficial However, I came up with an entirely different person - one I don't think my spouse can or wants to be.

The book seems to black and white to me, but perhaps what I am searching for I won't be able to find in a book.

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