Imperfect Control: Our Lifelong Struggles With Power and Surrender

Citing adoption studies and twin research, Viorst asks--given all the factors that predispose individuals to certain behaviors--what can we reasonably expect to control? She scrutinizes control as it pertains to sex, marriage, parenthood, and workplace dynamics. In the engaging chapter "The Power of Sex," for example, she argues how control is drastically different for women than for men, debunking some powerful myths about male sexuality. The inquiry builds to that experience over which we possess the least amount of control: death. Viorst entreats us to regard our finitude consciously, particularly in relation to lives "heroically" prolonged in the final throes of terminal illness. She also addresses the issue of physician-assisted suicide, offering moving examples that bear witness to "the comfort of that control." Fascinating, funny, and insightful, Imperfect Control invites readers to seek the balance between power and surrender.

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All Customer Reviews
Average Customer Review:
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

a "must" for everyone, 2007-09-23
if you have read "necessary losses" from the same author, and also if you have'nt, this book is a must for all of us. mrs. viorst has a clear and direct style with a good sense of humor. do yourself a favor and buy now!!


3 of 3 people found the following review helpful:

Thoughtful Viorst, Again, 2007-07-12
I've been reading Judith Viorst for years -- first reading "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No-good Very Bad Day" to my children, a book in itself about imperfect control -- but somehow missed this one until recently.
There are many valuable sections, but the one on being a parent of adult children especially resonated with me. (I am horrified to hear the words -- unasked for -- of advice that seem to escape my mouth.) She approaches this section with her usual wry humor, and stories of her own stuggles with letting go of attempts to control her adult sons.
Whether a parent or not, there is much in this book to assist a reader in making peace with their lives, and hopefully making some better decisions about what we CAN control, while letting go of what we can't.
The chapter on death is worth the price of the book; I expect I will be re-reading it now and then. (It propelled me to update my Power of Attorney for medical decisions, since some laws have changed since last done.)



1 of 1 people found the following review helpful:

Such a wonderful and inspiring book for us control freaks!, 2007-02-07
I read this book a few years ago and sadly lent it to a friend and saw no more of it so I'm thinking of rebuying it at Amazon. Can't give you now any specifics on the contents. Just bear in mind this: if you have perfectionist, controlling, obsessive-compulsive tendencies (and who doesn't in big cities nowadays anyway?), buy this book. You'll treasure it. You'll laugh with it. And you'll get inspired to be happier and just let go of things, for a change. You won't be disappointed.


10 of 10 people found the following review helpful:

Great book on an important and ever present aspect of the human condition...., 2007-02-02
It's very difficult to imagine Judith Viorst writing a bad book. She is an excellent writer and gears her writing toward the existential crisis' of life, development, etc. As some reviewers suggest, she backs up what she say with a fair amount of references to psychological literature, but she is certainly credible and although the book doesn't read like a dime store novel, it's also very accessible to the average adult without any psychological training.

The dance between control and surrender is very difficult for most people and comes up in couples, the workplace and other areas of life. This is the main topic of the book and describes why this is so and how to work with it toward achieving peace of mind. Much of this work has to do with reframing the human condition and daily struggles we all face in a more realistic fashion. It's about finding the balance point between control and surrender moment-to-moment.

Some of the areas of particular interest to me were the chapters on taking possession of ourselves, who controls the couple, the power of sex, permanent parenthood and in control of death. This is all practical and serious stuff and often areas where people confront considerable pain. While this book or any book doesn't provide all of the answers on these difficult life questions in terms of surrender and control, it will give you powerful insights and more flexibility for dealing with them.


9 of 9 people found the following review helpful:

Worth a look, 2000-09-17
This book has very good summaries of psychological research on the issues of power and control. It would be a particularly helpful book for a student writing a paper in an undergraduate class. The book is not hard to read; I finished it in 2 days. I found her chapters on romantic relationships, parenting and work relationships helpful and gained insight into my own behaviour.

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